Universal Hopes and Dreams
Some people describe the traditional family as being headed by a mom and a dad. With this definition, one northwest Denver family, comprising two moms and two dads, might be characterized as non-traditional. However, friends of Indra, Allison, Mark, and Geoffrey have dubbed them a “more traditional family.” These four have created the ultimate parenting sweet spot: lots of time and attention for the kids, plenty of extra grandparents to go around – and a well-rounded life.
As unique as this family’s story might be, it illustrates that family models come in many shapes and sizes. Regardless of whether they identify as gay or straight, all parents have dreams for their children’s quality of life, educational opportunities, and equal chances for success.
When Colorado natives Allison and Indra were in college, they began envisioning their adult lives. They knew the picture wouldn’t be complete without children. Their friend Geoffrey, who was also gay, eventually wanted to have a family of his own. Discussions about having a child with Geoffrey evolved into a decision to create a co-parenting arrangement several years later. When baby Zian was four months old, Mark joined the family unit, and the two couples found themselves bound by a social contract that would ensure a certain quality of life for their kids. Eliot was born not long after.
“We now realize the meaning of ‘it takes a village’ when it comes to raising children. Having four adults is ideal – we don’t know how two people do it,” says Allison, who is a school counselor.
Indra agrees, citing some benefits of co-parenting: “Allison and I go on two or three date nights a week. We still pursue our careers and personal interests. We have no childcare payments,” says Indra, a researcher and law student. But, she adds, it is their orientation that makes their arrangement possible. “Our family wouldn’t exist if we were like everybody else. We wouldn’t be co-parenting if we didn’t identify as queer,” she says.
Providing a home where love and acceptance are cornerstone values, the parents, all in their 30s, share the belief that giving their children the confidence, support, resources, and options they need is paramount. Their thoughtful approach to parenting is paying off.
“My dreams for the boys tie back to why I wanted to become a parent. I want them to be comfortable in their own skins and feel good about who they are. Kids need their parents as positive role models,” says Geoffrey, who teaches writing at a university. “They are already gaining a lot of understanding about differences in the world – not only about sexuality, but racial, ethnic, and economic diversity too. They appreciate people and are open minded about the fact that things are not homogeneous.”
The living situation is exceptional: Each couple lives in half of the duplex they collectively own, and they eat Sunday dinners together. Conveniences range from never having a shortage of babysitters to always having someone to stay home with a sick child. And the varied skills and talents match up well with homework assignments and extra-curricular interests.
While this family seems idyllic in almost every way, it of course has its challenges. All four parents weigh in on small and large decisions alike. They disagree and squabble, like any family. And the occasional awkward social situation requires them to explain their relationship to strangers, who may or may not be so understanding. But underneath it all, their approach to raising a family is not unfamiliar among Coloradans: They take advantage of the Colorado outdoors and Denver’s cultural perks, and volunteer for a spectrum of school events, nonprofit organizations, civic councils, and political activities.
This family, while extraordinary in its structure, has ordinary interests at heart. Mark, a doctor, says that being involved in the community to “make the world a better place” is important, but the everyday moments top his list of favorite things to do. He cites a morning walk to school with the boys. “It was one of those times when I thought things were perfect. We were talking about not stepping on the cracks on the sidewalk. Zian was jumping ahead with one foot on each sidewalk block, and Eliot decided to skip along. I love those ordinary moments the most.”